I'm having a hard time this week, today especially. My kids are anxious about school starting, and are agitated and easily upset. They start tomorrow, with a "meet the teacher" this afternoon. As if that weren't enough, I'm struggling with so many situations and emotions right now, and its hard to keep the tears in check when the kids are fighting ... hard to not cry, but even harder to not yell.
I'm not the best mom to the sweet little bugs I have. My heart aches from my wishful desires in motherhood, like I'm letting my family down.
There's also my parents' divorce. 2 years, and it still is overwhelmingly prevalent in every conversation I ever have with my mom. It does still affect her and my siblings in their daily lives. I have tried so hard to be a rock for them through it all, but at some point, they need to be strong enough themselves. I need to be a rock for me and my little family, but dealing with my extended family's stresses takes all my energy and strength. I feel like I'm failing everyone.
If I focus on my children and husband, I abandon my extended family when they need me, and cause offence. It's a loosing battle. I try to remind myself that my little family is who I am ACTUALLY responsible for in this life, and into the eternities, so I need to put them first, its just hard, because the squeaky broken wheel gets all the attention.
I'm just struggling, and drowning from everyone else's problems.
And I'm failing my little family in the process.