3 years today ...

Three years ago today, I was discharged from the hospital, where I had been admitted for attempted suicide.  I had severe PostPartum Depression (PPD).  I had felt so alone - like no one else could feel that dark and worthless.  I now know that SO MANY women feel that way at times.  PPD is very real.  Vitamins and exercise and prayer are wonderful, but they aren't the fix for PPD.  PPD is a real medical problem, and those who have PPD need support and love, from everyone around them, including good, caring medical professionals.

I shared my story in detail just over 2 years ago.  Today I just want to share my gratitude for my Father in Heaven.  God willed me to live.  He found worth in my life that I couldn't find - and since I was lost in the dark, he sent his angels on earth to watch over me and protect me from the PPD.  I am so grateful for my husband, who managed to convince me of his love, even while I directly challenged him.  I am so thankful for my beautiful children, and that God is letting me stay here to be part of their lives.  I am so grateful that while that time will always haunt me, my children were much too young to ever remember.  

Mostly, I am thankful for my second chance.  God saved me from my self-destruction, and held my hand as I slowly began to recover.  He loves me.  I was so swallowed up by the dark depression that I felt so alone, removed from even my Father in Heaven.  Depression is dark and scary.  I wish that prayer could be the fix-all, but I still felt so alone.  It's only now, looking back, that I see God's presence in my life at that time.  Without God sending angels to hold me up, I would have succeeded in my suicide.  I am so grateful that I get to be here now, and watch my children grow, giggle with them, and snuggle with my husband.  Forever grateful.

1 comment:

Emily said...

wow -- off to read your story. i'm impressed, it takes a great deal of strength to be willing to share such a personal story with others. of course you are just wanting to teach us of the reality of PPD, and for that i'm grateful. thank you.